what's happening..... now!

I finished my first quarter of school. By the grace of God, I finished with a 4.0 gpa. I received an e-mail stating that I made the President's list at the school. That gave me the thought that "Yes, I can do this". I am doing this!!

My girls also got their report cards the same day, and WOW was I impressed with them! The girls are working so hard to make good grades. Don't get me wrong, they still hate doing homework, and they still have the occasional day that they come home with a note from the teacher about not paying attention but all in all they are dong well. I was worried this year, but slowly they are making it work.

My son is writing his name very well now. They make all of the students sign-in in the mornings and that is helping him out a lot. I was worried about that at the beginning of the year when the teacher told me that "They" don't allow the teachers to work on writing skills in depth in pre-K anymore. It blew my mind when she said that. I am glad that she is taking the initiative to do it anyway. He has also been reciting numbers and letters out of books or off of the t.v. lately. I was floored when he read me a toll free number from a commercial the other day. I teared up. My baby is getting so big!

My husband's hand is getting better as well. Praise God that we love each other and acknowledge that neither one of us are perfect and that we will always have our differences of opinions. We talk through them though, and that makes me happy. He is still on the part time schedule at work and that is making our budget get ever tighter as the weeks tick by. We have exhausted all of our "reserve" money that I kept from out tax return to pay the bills. I have been trying to cut back as much as possible to help ease the budget crunch. I am hoping that it will only be another week or so before they go back to the full time schedule again. Summer is coming on fast, so that helps.

The kids start spring break this Friday and won't have to go back to school until April 12th. I however start spring quarter on Monday, so they will be spending the night with my in-laws on Sunday night (Easter) and I will get them back at some point during the week. I am so blessed by my in-laws!! Hannah's birthday is coming up fast, on the 9th. She turns 8 this year. Man, time flies when you have kids, doesn't it!! I want to plan on doing something special for her. I guess it will all depend on money at that point. She loves to cook, so maybe I will let her help me cook that night. (can you say win-win?)

I have made a self-commitment to not be on the computer once my husband gets home at night. I want to try to be able to have some more time with him, especially once the kids go to bed. We don't really get allot of time to talk about his day or my day and even what's happening in the kids' lives at that point. There seems to never be enough time in the day to fit it all in. So, this is my way of trying to help the situation.

I have also decided to restart my Dave Ramsey financial book. I would love to be able to do the Financial webinar program that he has, but it costs about $100 to do it, and there isn't money in the budget for that. A friend of mine on Facebook said that he held a yard sale for him and his wife to do it, sounds like a good idea to me. There is plenty of stuff that we need to get rid of around here anyway. I told my husband at the beginning of the year that THIS would be our year, and so far we have wasted 3 months of it. We really need to get it together and do things right, especially with our money.

I am so proud of my girls for singing at church this week. Well, Lilly did great in practice (singing and smiling) but then when it came time to sing in front of a whole church, she had a melt down and just stood at the alter with her fists on her chin. Oh well, Hannah sang (like a deer in the headlights). They did great though. I am also proud to say that our little small church's children have planted a (5 raised beds) vegetable garden. They plan on building a veggie stand for the kids to be able to sell their goods at harvest time, or give away the food to the needy families in our area. Our church also helps support a food bank, so some of the veggies may find their way there too. It warms my heart that all of the kids are so into getting this project done. They have all been so excited about it. My kids want to walk over there every afternoon to check on the plants.

I also want to say Thank You for reading my blog. I may only have 4 followers, but it amazes me that 4 people want to read about this weird, wife, mommy, student, wanna be farmer redneck with issues. I would love to hear if any of you have done the Dave Ramsey way of finances. I have heard great things about it, but didn't know if any of you had experience with it.

Bless y'all,
Jamie

Oh Me, Oh My

It has been quite a week for me. First, I would like to say that my kids have been battling the "sickness" for a couple of months now... This last week has been hard.

Last Tuesday Lilly was sick with the snotty nose and croupe cough. She was running a slight fever so I kept her home from school. She was so pitiful. She stayed in my bed all day with me and we watched the movie Ocie Nash. We love that movie. Lilly wouldn't eat much and finally took a nap with me before the other kids got home from school. She was feeling better on Wednesday, so I sent her back to school.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up with a horrible migraine. I have been getting them more frequently lately. We don't have health insurance anymore (just within the last 2 weeks) so I had to battle it out on my own. Needless to say, I stayed in bed all day with the curtains closed and complete quiet... since I had thrown the clock that hung on the wall of our bedroom out the back door. The constant ticking was driving me insane... I later retrieved it from the yard though. (read- no wall clocks were harmed during my migraine)

By Thursday, I still had my migraine and sent the kids to school. By that afternoon, I started coughing. It hit me fast and hard. Picture this though......
me + migraine + coughing = serious head pain. I seriously would have taken a bullet at that point. It was horrible.

Come Thursday night, Lilly started feeling bad again. She was coughing very much like I was and again running a slight fever. She started complaining of stomach cramps. I just knew something was wrong with her. My husband's brain automatically went to appendicitis... mine went to the "my baby is hurting and I must get her help now" state. I talked to my mom (via texting- she works at an ER) and she said that it was going around like wild fire, to keep her home and giver her a breathing treatment and cough meds and alternate tylenol and motrin for fever. I immediatly did the breathing treatment and cough meds with tylenol. Needless to say, she stayed home from school again on Friday.

So, on Friday morning I sent the other kids to school and Lilly once again stayed in my bed all day watching House, M.D dvds. We all love that show. My headache was gone but my cough was getting worse by the hour. I also started running a low grade fever. Taking all the meds that I could think of, I was feeling horrible.

Saturday didn't bring any relief for me either. I was feeling putrid and thank God that my husband was home this weekend to take care of the kids. He had them outside playing while he let me sleep and finally be able to rest a little... between coughing up my lungs that is.

Sunday came and I still wasn't feeling any better, and trying to rest as much as possible. Now, think for a minute about how when you are stressed out- to the max... not feeling good... and you still have kids and a husband and a house to keep up with... whatcha' thinking at this point... AAAHHHHH!!!! *cough, hack*!! That is not only what I was feeling, but my husband as well. Tempers flared and words were shared and needless to say- we had a blow up between the hubs and I. Shocker, right? Feelings were hurt... but we both took a step back and talked about it later.

Fast forward 6 hours--------> We were in the kitchen that night, cooking and getting the table set for dinner. I asked my husband to get the pitcher of sweet tea out of the fridge and put it on the table. He reached in the fridge and got the pitcher and he looked strange to me... struggling a bit with it. Now, I had just made a new pitcher of tea, so it was a little heavy... but come on, he's a big guy- he can handle it, right? No... His face was turning red and I finally looked at him and asked him what was wrong... that's when I saw it......... His hand... was... broken... Crap!!! Seriously? What the heck?

Seems that when we had out little "tiff" he was so upset at the situation that he punched something. NICE!! Hey- don't judge, I was proud that he didn't hit me! I applaud my husband for knowing when to step back from the situation and take it somewhere else. Looking back, we laugh at the "tiff". Like I said, we both are stressed out and tempers flare... we aren't perfect, we are human. We love each other more than anything. There is nothing that I won't do for that man, and vice versa. So, anyway- I had my dad take him to the ER to get ex rays and sure enough, he texted me and said..(this is the humor part) "Ironic, it's called a boxers fracture". So, when he got home I had to ask... "How ya' feeling Ali- are you floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee"? To this he replied... "No, I am floating like a Cadillac and stinging like a Beamer." (quote from the Disney movie, Cars) *snort.

I am still not feeling better, but at least through all of the stress, and stress on top of stress I can still wake up and know that without a doubt my husband loves me.... for me... and no other reason. Even if it makes him break a hand every once in a while. (I forgot to say that even though he had broken his hand that Sunday morning, he still changed the oil in my van that afternoon, while he had the kids outside playing to let me sleep.)


Bless ya'll,
Jamie

A Storm is Brewing...

I can feel a storm brewing. You know, the kind that you can feel in your bones. The kind that will no doubt have an impact on your life in some way. That is the kind of storm that I am feeling is headed my way.

It has been building for a couple of months now. About six to be exact. I can't tell you an exact time that it began, but I know that it is coming. And with it could bring joy or extreme pain. I won't know until the day that it hits me.

Over the last few months, I have been so busy trying to set my life in motion with the future that I wanted. I have started college and have been trying to get my thoughts in-tuned with the future that I want to live. I have been pushing my family in the direction that I want to go, and haven't even considered the affect that it may have on them.

I may be wrong in doing that, or I may be on the right track... who knows yet. All I can do is my best, or what I think may be best at that time. I can't explain where these feelings are coming from, but I can seriously feel it in my bones. And that- scares the hell out of me.

Every morning when I wake up, I start the coffee for my husband. I set out his daily vitamins and tell him to have a great day and to drive safely. I get the kids up and ready for school and then on the bus... and pray that they look half-way decent. I drink my morning coffee while checking my e-mails and then get ready for school if it is a school day. If it's not, then I usually have homework to do. I then start a load of laundry and eat some breakfast. My day seems to always get off track at this point. It is about now that I feel lost. I honestly get so caught up in everything that has to be done that I never start to do any of it. By the end of the day, I have essentially started a load of laundry and never finished it and that is about the extent of it. Somewhere along the way I have gotten lost.

How does this happen? Do I have ADD? Maybe. I don't know how it happens, or even why it happens. I AM NOT PERFECT! I think that I have let myself bite off more than I can chew. I can't seem to find the balance for my life right now. How can I move forward if I am getting bogged down in the now of my life?

I have been getting severe migraines over the last few months. I can usually expect to get one just before my cycle, but they are coming closer together and twice the pain. I have no clue what is causing them either. I can only assume that it is stress induced. I haven't done anything to aleviate any of that stress either, only added to it... with the kids and school and PTO meetings (which I have missed 2 times now, ugh!) and then the husband and other child and all of that drama that goes along with the ex-wife. I can't seem to keep my head above water these days. Why have I let my life spriral out of control like this?

I have some meds in my medicine cabinet. I could be taking them and feeling better, but for some reason they are just sitting there. I can't seem to bring myself to take them. I have no idea why not. I know that they can only help me. I think maybe I look at them as me throwing in the towel. I look at them as me admitting that I am not Super Mom and I can't do it all.

As stupid as that sounds, it is what it is. I feel hopeless at this point. Completely useless to my family. Totally burnt out with life and I should be in my prime right about now. What is it that is making me feel so damned depressed? I have a great husband, wonderful kids and a 4.0 gpa in school. You would think that I would be on cloud nine right now. Instead, I am having one hell of a pity party for myself.

I guess what I am asking is, please pray for me. I seem to have lost that loving feeling for myself and I want to get it back, asap! I don't think that my husband can keep going it alone for the next 18 months while I finish school. He is worried about me and I don't want to add that stress to him either.

Sorry that this is a bummer of a post, but I had to get it out... or down- whatever. Any suggestions would be appreciated at this point... especially if you are going to suggest that you come clean my house for me... That would rock in my book.

Bless y'all,

Jamie