How do you lead a lost child?

As some of you know, I have a child, 16 girl, that came to me when she was 6 years old. She is my husband's child from a previous marriage. She lives with her mother and where she lives, we are about 25 minutes away from her. Due to certain happenings, we have had a strained relationship at times, and at other times, we are her "best friends".

We have always dealt with the problems of a divorce. The hurt, the pain, the anger, the hardship of having to take your child "home" from a weekend with you. We have dealt with the pain and anguish of our children that we have together as well. They don't understand why she can't just stay with us, they adore her.

Two years ago, she came to live with us. We enrolled her in our local middle school, and she way thriving. We can never seem to get on a good path because her mother always seems to have issues with whatever we try to instill. We were accused of being too hard on her, too many rules, not enough trust in the child to make the right choices. Just as we started to make headway, it happened. The mother jumped in, and stirred the trouble pot and off we were. Just as quickly as she came to be with us, she was gone. The mother didn't just stop there. She made as much trouble as she possible could for my husband. She even reported him to the child support recover agency, stating that he didn't pay her the support during the time that the child lived with us. Yeah, you read that right.

So, now 2 years later, the child is growing into young adulthood and seems to be at a cross roads in life. Go one way, the right way, or go down the wrong path. How do you direct a lost child, when you don't have any day to day access to the child? How do you keep that child encouraged to make the right choices when you really want to be in their face everyday holding them accountable for the choices that they are making? How can you be the parent that you need to be, when you have spent years on the sidelines? We have been on the sidelines, not by choice, but by being forced there by the mother. No matter how many times we have tried to talk to her about the child, and what we feel she needs, she answered by telling us that we have no say in the matters. We cannot control what rules are set forth in her home. I understand that, but when it comes to the well being of your child, and obviously she isn't making wise choices, you re-adjust and alter the rules set forth. Not every child is the same ,so the rules that are put together for one child, may not be the same rules that you will use for all of your children. Each have their own personalities and learning styles.

So, I ask the question again, how do you lead a lost child to make the best choices? How do you walk that fine line between being a parent and a friend to your children? I know that I was not made a parent by God to be that child's friend... I am a parent first! I will not always be the "cool parent" either. I only want what is best for my children. I want them to go forward in life and be productive, happy individuals that love their lives and most importantly, the Lord.

This is a round about the "speech" that we gave her last night. Please let me know what you think...

Every time you follow someone Else's way, you lose a little piece of yourself. With every boy friend that you have, you give away a piece of yourself. So by the time that you find your "Prince Charming, how much of you does he get? Every time you have sex, smoke that cigarette, drink that alcohol, you lose a little piece of yourself. Every time you cuss, steal, break the rules, you lose a little piece of yourself. How much of your True self are you willing to forfeit for approval of others? It is not the approval of your peers that you need. It is only God's approval. So what if you aren't one of the cool kids, so what if you don't feel like you have the right style of clothes. So what if they don't like you because you won't break curfew and drink. These are the choices that you have to make in order to grow not only personally, but spiritually as well. You do not have anyone in your life right now to hold you accountable for the choices that you are making. You need to find someone, anyone, that will truly hold you accountable for your actions and choices. Someone that will be in your face telling you the truth about what you are doing, not sugar coating it for you. You are at a cross roads in you life right now, so you need to decide which path you are going to take. You, and only you are responsible for the choices that you make. Therefore, you cannot blame anyone else for the consequences of those choices. Good or bad, they are yours. You take ownership of everything that you do. You were given the same gift that everyone else way, free will. It is what you do with that that counts.

So, I am taking this as a personal task to lead and guide this lost child to make the right choices in life. I will not count myself a failure if she doesn't. After all, like we told her, the choices are hers to make. She holds the power within herself to take the right path. Only she can choose which way to go from here. But, I can be there cheering her on, supporting her, encouraging her.

In love,
Jamie